That is the pivotal question-How do you respond? For most of us instinct kicks in and we want to start the “Not my kid-your kid must have provoked him.” defense. That is definitely not what should happen. Before you enter the school-take some deep breaths and remember that what is important here is helping your child not keeping your mommy reputation intact. Some basic tips on what to do during this meeting are:

• Don’t immediately go on the defensive
• Listen carefully to what is said about the incident by the principal, the victim and your child. Restate what you have heard to make sure you understand the details.
• Calmly discuss the situation with all involved.
• Ask the principal what the school policy requires the punishment/reaction to be (most schools have a zero tolerance bullying policy in place-sometimes even just one incidence of bullying can lead to suspension).
• Assure the principal that you take bullying very seriously and that you will deal with it at home and be in contact with the principal.

As the two of you head to your car, keep breathing deeply. This is when it gets very hard you want to either cry or lash out at your child but this is not the time or place. It is often best to be silent in the car and let the child process what he has just witnessed in the school office. Assuming your child is guilty and has confessed to the bullying there are action steps that need to take place.

• Discuss/explain that bullying is not acceptable behavior.
• There must be an apology and restitution should be made. If something was ripped or broken during the incident it must be replaced-at the child’s expense. Otherwise the child should be required to do something for the victim. You may need to work with the victim’s parents on this one.
• Show respect to the school officials and accept whatever punishment is handed down from the school. One major lesson that bullies need to learn is respect of others and their property. You need to model that behavior by respecting the school and its leaders.
• Specify concrete consequences for bullying. Be firm and consistent in your discipline. Follow through with whatever punishment you hand down.

Now that the immediate response is over, take a break. Let your child go to their room and you do something relaxing so you can both get your perspective back on the big picture. I will not blame all bullying on how a parent does there job as a parent but…if a child bullies-there are some major character flaws that need to be fixed. Our children need to be taught empathy, respect and compassion. We need to model these traits in our daily lives and we need to reward good behavior-especially in areas our child is lacking-but growing in.

We also need to examine the atmosphere in our home. Are negative speech and put-downs allowed? Is there a lot of violence on the television and video games that our children view? Do we value each person in our family or are some seen as “less important” than others? The social atmosphere in our home, school, church and civic groups help to form who our child becomes and how they behave in social situations. As parents, on of our jobs is to train our children so that they know how to behave and react when they are with other people. This training is the parent’s responsibility not the school’s or even the church’s.

• Teach and model acceptable ways to reduce stress, frustration and anger.
• Be involved in your child’s school and other activities.
• Decrease the violence at home
• Teach and model taking responsibility for your actions
• Teach empathy, respect and compassion-teach your child to prefer others over themselves

None of us want our child labeled as a bully. If you see signs that your child has some of the common character/behavior traits of a bully work with your child to make changes so that it never reaches the point where you get that call to the principal’s office.

The post What if Your Child is the Bully? appeared first on The Mom Maven.

My wish was granted by Christina Wiley of Irresistible Woman Entrepreneur. Christina and I have shared several e-mails and last night we spoke on the phone for an hour. I was so excited when I got off the phone, I wanted to get right to work. I have a lot of homework to do but with Christina’s guidance I am going to grow this blog and offer more ways to help you be the best mom you can. I am working on adding e-courses, tele-seminars and other exciting ways for us to interact.

We will also be moving the blog to a self-hosted site, and possibly a new platform. I will keep you updated on the progress. I hope you are as excited as I am about what 2009 has in store.

Don’t forget to register to win the Plaja Pets giveaway, it ends tomorrow!

The post More Exciting Things Coming… appeared first on The Mom Maven.

• Read More-in 2008 I didn’t read even half as many books as usual and I missed it. I also want to read a variety of genres, especially Christian romance, Business, Leadership, Inspirational and of course, my Bible.
• Budget Better-we have taken plenty of courses about finances and we have home a long way, but we have further to go. I want to be more organized with our finances in 2009.
• Declutter-we have a small house and a lot of stuff. The house is clean but cluttered and the clutter is starting to drive me crazy. I have created a schedule of 1 room a month to focus on decluttering it. The schedule lasts 6 month and then starts again. I also need to get control of all the papers. I haven’t figured that one out yet, but I will.
• Fight the Frump-there are 2 parts to this one. The first is to exercise regularly. I plan to use the WiiFit 30 minutes 4 days a week to start. The second is to work to add new casual clothing to my wardrobe so that I wear fewer jeans and t-shirts.
• Drink More Water-I like to drink water. I have always drunk a lot of water when I work outside of the home. When I am home I hardly ever choose water to drink. I have started to drink water and alternate it with my sodas.
  

  Eat Healthy Snacks-I haven’t been snacking much at all but, when I do I need to choose healthier snacks. I don’t keep fruit in the house because it always goes bad before we eat it. That is going to change. The rest of the family needs healthy snacks too.

• Take More Pictures and Scrapbook Them-I love to take pictures, I have a decent camera-I just haven’t taken a lot of pictures in the last few years. I am also way behind in my scrapbooking and I am sure somewhere subconsciously I feel that if I don’t take a lot of pictures there won’t be a lot of scrapbooking to catch up on. I have added scrapbooking time into my schedule 2 days a week to help me start getting caught up.
  

Learn New Things-since beginning my adventure in blogging and social media I have learned a lot about html code, resizing photos and other internet things. I would like to learn more about html, how to make blog buttons and how to monetize my blog.
• Step Out of my Comfort Zone-I need to network and meet new people. I have a fear of new people and don’t make friends easily. I am going to step out of my comfort zone and meet new people and create relationships with them.
• Connect More with my Husband-We are together a lot. We both work out of our home and homeschool our kids so we see each other all the time. Being physically in the same place isn’t the same as connecting, talking, dreaming together. I am also going to shut off the laptop (aaaagh!) at least once a week and curl up on the couch with him to watch a TV show or movie.
• Budget my Social Media Time– It is very easy to let social media take over your life. There is Twitter, Facebook, the 2 fitness forums and 6 .ning networks that I belong to all taking time away from my family. There is nothing wrong with any of these outlets in and of themselves. There can be too much of a good thing. I’ve been asked to join 3 other .ning networks that I have yet to join. After taking January to decide which fitness forum I like better I will cut back to one. I am also not actively participating in 2 .ning networks, participating weekly in 2 and focusing on the 2 that I feel will best benefit me and my family.

What are your goals for this new year? I hope my list has helped you remember some things you wanted to change in your life.

Happy New Year!

The post New Year’s Resolutions appeared first on The Mom Maven.