Bullying is rampant in our schools. Believe it or not it can start as early as kindergarten. We’ve discussed What is Bullying? and How to be Proactive About Bullying. Now we are going to talk about what you and your child need to know if your child is being bullied.
Parents, your primary job is to listen. If at all possible, record your child telling his account the first time he tells it to you. I have a friend who does guardian ad-litem work and she has told me that in many states a child is only allowed to tell their story 3 times. After the third time the legal system feels a child’s story could be embellished by input received from parents, teachers etc. Even if you don’t think this will become a legal matter it is in your child’s best interest to record their story-especially if there has been physical harm. Listen to your child’s complete story and gather the facts. Try not to interrupt them while they are sharing and take what they are telling you seriously. If the incident took place on school grounds you need to notify the principal and if it happened on the way to or from school the bully’s parents need to be informed. Most schools have a zero bullying policy and that policy outlines the steps that are taken to resolve the problem.
Once a child has been bullied, he often doesn’t want to return to the place where it happened. Here are some tips to teach your child so he knows what to do to lessen the chances of being bullied.
- Tell an adult you trust. A parent, teacher, coach etc. If you’re afraid to talk to an adult-take a friend with you.
- Stay in a group. Bullies don’t usually attack a group of people. Never walk to or from school alone. Play with others on the playground. Don’t be alone.
- If a bully confronts you-walk away and act confident. Even if you are feeling scared walk tall with your head up. Bullies are less likely to bother confident kids.
- Hold your anger. No matter what the bully says or does, hold your anger.
- Don’t get physical. Avoid fighting at all costs.
- Avoid places where bullying happens-an out of the way corner of the playground, an empty lot, a stairwell.
- If you ride the school bus-sit near the driver.
- Make sure you’re not alone in the school bathroom or locker room.
Unfortunately, no matter how your child responds, they may still be a victim of bullying. Be there for your child, this isn’t the kind of thing they get over right away. They need your love and assurance as they deal with what they have been through. Make sure you are active in the school and keep tabs on what steps are being taken to assure the safety of your child and every child in that school. Dealing with bullying is one of the hard situations many parents have to deal with. Remember that healing your child’s emotions begins when you truly listen to and support your child.
There are two more installments in this series on bullies: What to Do if Your Child is a Bully and Cyberbullying.
I was tiny for my age and bullied all the time. Nothing adults ever suggested would work. I knew it wouldn’t even when I was a kid but I would try it anyway.
Finally when my parents couldn’t take it anymore my dad made me promise him that I would fight anyone who bullied me. I was the smallest kid around and scared to death of this tactic but i was more scared of my dad.
Fighting the bully was the only thing that ever worked for me. It may not be very Christian or civilized but it was very effective. I never had issues with a bully if I fought with them. They might have been bigger and stronger and beat me up sometimes but they never bullied me again.
Eventually the bullies stopped targeting me. I think this was because after a few years I was very confident. They could see that I wasn’t going to be a victim.
It may be old school and not socially appropriate but I have taught my children this tactic from the beginning. They get in more trouble for not defending themselves or their siblings than almost anything else. We haven’t had any problems with fighting or bullies and i think it is because they are approaching the situation with confidence and they don’t act like a target or react like a victim.