Parents, your primary job is to listen. If at all possible, record your child telling his account the first time he tells it to you. I have a friend who does guardian ad-litem work and she has told me that in many states a child is only allowed to tell their story 3 times. After the third time the legal system feels a child’s story could be embellished by input received from parents, teachers etc. Even if you don’t think this will become a legal matter it is in your child’s best interest to record their story-especially if there has been physical harm. Listen to your child’s complete story and gather the facts. Try not to interrupt them while they are sharing and take what they are telling you seriously. If the incident took place on school grounds you need to notify the principal and if it happened on the way to or from school the bully’s parents need to be informed. Most schools have a zero bullying policy and that policy outlines the steps that are taken to resolve the problem.

Once a child has been bullied, he often doesn’t want to return to the place where it happened. Here are some tips to teach your child so he knows what to do to lessen the chances of being bullied.

• Tell an adult you trust. A parent, teacher, coach etc. If you’re afraid to talk to an adult-take a friend with you.
• Stay in a group. Bullies don’t usually attack a group of people. Never walk to or from school alone. Play with others on the playground. Don’t be alone.
• If a bully confronts you-walk away and act confident. Even if you are feeling scared walk tall with your head up. Bullies are less likely to bother confident kids.
• Hold your anger. No matter what the bully says or does, hold your anger.
• Don’t get physical. Avoid fighting at all costs.
• Avoid places where bullying happens-an out of the way corner of the playground, an empty lot, a stairwell.
• If you ride the school bus-sit near the driver.
• Make sure you’re not alone in the school bathroom or locker room.

Unfortunately, no matter how your child responds, they may still be a victim of bullying. Be there for your child, this isn’t the kind of thing they get over right away. They need your love and assurance as they deal with what they have been through. Make sure you are active in the school and keep tabs on what steps are being taken to assure the safety of your child and every child in that school. Dealing with bullying is one of the hard situations many parents have to deal with. Remember that healing your child’s emotions begins when you truly listen to and support your child.

There are two more installments in this series on bullies: What to Do if Your Child is a Bully and Cyberbullying.

The post What to Do If Your Child is Bullied appeared first on The Mom Maven.

• Talk with and listen to your children every day. This sounds simple but with our busy lives it isn’t always as easy as it seems. Carving out a few minutes every day to focus on each child and what is going on in their life has multiple benefits. Learning about their social relationships in school, on the playground, walking to and from school, in after school programs etc. helps your child know you are interested in their lives and you care what happens to them. These daily talks keep open the lines of communication so that you can on occasion steer the conversation to the topic of bullies and what to do if they see someone being bullied, if they are being bullied or if they are a bully. More than half of the children who are victims of bullying don’t tell their parent’s because they don’t feel comfortable talking to them! That is a tragic statistic.

• Teach your child to be polite and respectful of other people and their belongings. Good manners are important everywhere. Many researchers believe that when students are taught to be respectful of others, even if they are different, the incidents of bullying decrease.

• Set a positive example for your children. Your manner of speaking and tone of voice greatly influence your child. When you are at a restaurant and the waiter brings you the wrong food do you calmly explain the problem to the waiter or do you belittle him? When you are out shopping and you see someone who looks or dresses different from you do you make some rude comment or just go on with what you are doing? Unfortunately, often times bullying behaviors and attitudes are learned from parents or caregivers.

• Volunteer at Your Child’s School. If you can volunteer even an hour a week at your child’s school you will be able to gain insight into the atmosphere of the school. Parents who only go to their child’s school for parent’s night don’t get the true feel of the school’s atmosphere. If you are able to volunteer during recess time that is even better. Statistics show that 2/3 of bullying at school happens during unstructured times such as lunch and recess when there are fewer adults overseeing a larger number of children.

• Visit your child at school during lunch time and recess time. If you can’t volunteer then at least visit regularly. Most schools in our area allow parents to come and eat lunch with their children once a week. See if your employer will let you take your lunch break so it coincides with your child’s. You need to witness first hand the social interactions of your children.

• Explain to your child the difference between tattling and reporting. This can be difficult, especially in young children. Tattling is often gossipy and the truth is sometimes embellished so that someone else gets in trouble. Reporting is stating the facts to an adult about someone who has been victimized.

Bullying is not a normal part of growing up. Do not accept as normal behavior. Be proactive and help your child be safe and protected.
To link to the previous post in this series What is Bullying?

The post A Proactive Approach to Bullying appeared first on The Mom Maven.