from the  Teen Summit on Internet & Wireless Safety presented by Cox Communications

Want to improve the lines of communication with your children? These ten tips will help you get started immediately.

1. Listen

Listen to what your child is expressing and try to understand what’s going on with them internally. Don’t make assumptions.

2. Don’t Interrogate

Ask open-ended questions but avoid excessive questioning. Use general conversation starters like “How is it going?” or “What’s going on?” and then be silent. Most kids will tell you what you want to know if they don’t feel bombarded.

3. Be Honest

Practice honesty and respect. If a child asks something and you don’t know the answer, be honest. Say you don’t know and then find out. Conversely, if you do something inappropriate or make a mistake, be willing to apologize and admit it.

4. Keep Calm

Avoid yelling, making threats or using “labels” to describe your child or their friends.

5. Skip the Lecture

Don’t lecture your child or repeat the same thing constantly. Those tactics usually cause kids to tune you out.

6. Pay Attention

When your teen is talking, give them your complete focus. Stop whatever else you are doing and use eye contact.

7. Be Gentle

Avoid power struggles. You might hold the power, but you lose ultimately when you break your kid’s spirit.

8. No Judgements

Express your opinions without being judgmental. Remember to be concise so your comments don’t turn into a lecture.

9. Use Positive Reinforcement

Don’t dwell on your child’s mistakes. Focus on their accomplishments to demonstrate support and build self-esteem.

10. Take a Walk

Create situations that allow you to communicate with your kids. Whether it’s riding together in the car without playing the radio, running errands together or taking a walk after dinner, this one-on-one time will strengthen your relationship.

If you do not have a good relationship with your teens/tweens that is the place to start. The saying goes “They don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” is very true. Take some time over the next week to get to know your teen/tween, get on their level. At first don’t talk about the issues that divide you, focus on building them up. Talk about what they like, what they are good at. In my 20+ years of working with youth I see so many parents that don’t even know their kids, and it is sad.  Yes, it takes time, parenting takes time. The benefits of taking the time to get to know and build up your kids are huge.

Spend time with you teen this week. In the next few weeks we will talk about television and the media, cell phones-texting and sexting, social media and more.

The post Communicating with Your Tween or Teen appeared first on The Mom Maven.

• Talk with and listen to your children every day. This sounds simple but with our busy lives it isn’t always as easy as it seems. Carving out a few minutes every day to focus on each child and what is going on in their life has multiple benefits. Learning about their social relationships in school, on the playground, walking to and from school, in after school programs etc. helps your child know you are interested in their lives and you care what happens to them. These daily talks keep open the lines of communication so that you can on occasion steer the conversation to the topic of bullies and what to do if they see someone being bullied, if they are being bullied or if they are a bully. More than half of the children who are victims of bullying don’t tell their parent’s because they don’t feel comfortable talking to them! That is a tragic statistic.

• Teach your child to be polite and respectful of other people and their belongings. Good manners are important everywhere. Many researchers believe that when students are taught to be respectful of others, even if they are different, the incidents of bullying decrease.

• Set a positive example for your children. Your manner of speaking and tone of voice greatly influence your child. When you are at a restaurant and the waiter brings you the wrong food do you calmly explain the problem to the waiter or do you belittle him? When you are out shopping and you see someone who looks or dresses different from you do you make some rude comment or just go on with what you are doing? Unfortunately, often times bullying behaviors and attitudes are learned from parents or caregivers.

• Volunteer at Your Child’s School. If you can volunteer even an hour a week at your child’s school you will be able to gain insight into the atmosphere of the school. Parents who only go to their child’s school for parent’s night don’t get the true feel of the school’s atmosphere. If you are able to volunteer during recess time that is even better. Statistics show that 2/3 of bullying at school happens during unstructured times such as lunch and recess when there are fewer adults overseeing a larger number of children.

• Visit your child at school during lunch time and recess time. If you can’t volunteer then at least visit regularly. Most schools in our area allow parents to come and eat lunch with their children once a week. See if your employer will let you take your lunch break so it coincides with your child’s. You need to witness first hand the social interactions of your children.

• Explain to your child the difference between tattling and reporting. This can be difficult, especially in young children. Tattling is often gossipy and the truth is sometimes embellished so that someone else gets in trouble. Reporting is stating the facts to an adult about someone who has been victimized.

Bullying is not a normal part of growing up. Do not accept as normal behavior. Be proactive and help your child be safe and protected.
To link to the previous post in this series What is Bullying?

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