There is hope but it will take work, planning and follow-through. Kid’s behavior changes for the positive when they understand the “why” behind the rule. Take the time to sit down parents and teens together and talk about what is and isn’t appropriate behavior and why it is or isn’t. Discuss things like-Anything that is said or done to purposely hurt another person physically or emotionally is not acceptable. I always take these discussions and point back to God’s Word. Scripture tells us what is and isn’t appropriate behavior-it also tells us the consequences for our behavior. I’ve listed a few ideas here:

1. Work hard and do your best, don’t procrastinate. Proverbs 14:23 NIV “All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.”

2. Take care of your body. Do not use cigarettes, drugs or alcohol. 1 Corinthians 6:19a NIV “Do you not know that your body is temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you.”

3. Respect the authorities in your life. Parents, pastors, teachers etc. Obey them and do what you are asked. Romans 13:1-3 NIV ” ¹Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. ²Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. ³For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you.”

Use these as a staring place to discuss actions and consequences. I suggest working as a family to create a teen behavior contract. On this contract list offenses and consequences. Kids crave boundaries and often once they know what is expected of them they thrive. Create it together with your teen, allow them to have a voice. When it is complete-type it up have the teen(s) and the parents sign the document and then make photocopies so everyone involved has their own copy as a reminder of the agreement.

Don’t let this discussion end with the contract though. Use this time and the contract as a springboard for conversations about behavior, consequences and rising above the tide of disrespect for others that is so prevalent in our society. What do you think about this topic? What would you tell this mother? Please leave a comment and let me know.

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The most successful parents realize that parenting is a process that begins at birth and continues throughout life. The process changes as the child grows from infancy to childhood to teenager to adult but, the process continues. To address parenting teens out of the context of the process is difficult-but not impossible.

First, I need to state that every child is different. Just because Bob was able to handle certain things at age 15 doesn’t mean Steve can. You cannot cookie cutter parent and expect the same results with each child. Parenting takes work, dedication and communication. In its simplest form, parenting is about boundaries and freedoms. In a perfect world a toddler has a lot of boundaries and few freedoms while a 17 year old has fewer boundaries and more freedoms. That being said, one of the most often asked questions is “How much freedom and at what age?” There is no single right answer to that question. If there was parenting would be simple. You would get a list of ages and freedoms before you leave the hospital with your newborn and you would just check things off the list at each birthday.

What freedoms you give your teen need to be weighed against that child’s maturity-emotionally, physically, morally and spiritually. Just because the state you live in says your child can get his drivers license the day he turns 16 doesn’t mean he is ready for that responsibility. As old as the “But all my friends are doing it/I’m not the parent of all your friends.” argument has been around, parents have had to step up and make the tough decisions. Teens who are responsible in the small things get more freedom and responsibility.

We as parents need to remember that even though teens cry for freedoms they really long for boundaries. Boundaries keep us safe and protected. Boundaries can’t be arbitrary though. Teens understand reason and most teens respect their parents more when there is open communication and explanation about the why’s of rules and boundaries. I have always explained the why’s to my kids. They learn to appreciate your boundaries and eventually how to set their own boundaries when they understand why. One of the goals of parenting is to help our kids learn to create their own boundaries. When Bob goes to a friend’s house and the friend grabs a few beers from the fridge is Bob going to succumb to peer pressure, or his he going to know what to do because he has reached a boundary? If Bob is my son the goal here would be to say “No thank-you, you shouldn’t be doing that either.” If the friend persists then Bob will leave or call for a ride home.

Parenting isn’t about give and take, it is about training children to become responsible, productive citizens. It doesn’t happen overnight-it takes a lifetime. No kid is perfect-no parent is perfect. I don’t claim to have all the answers, I have spent many an hour on my knees praying for God to give me wisdom in raising my boys. I have also read books, taken classes and observed those around me. If this overview has sparked more specific questions please leave me a comment and ask that question. This topic could go in a million directions but I want my posts to be relevant to your life. If I don’t know how to answer you, I will find someone who does and let them help you. I look forward to hearing from you.

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