Restaurant Manners Please

When I was raised we were taught manners and how to behave, especially in public. My parents took us to Friendly’s restaurant to practice our “restaurant manners”, before we were allowed to go to nicer restaurants. When we were raising our kids, we did the same thing, except we went to Denny’s. Now it seems no one teaches their kids how to behave period, let alone in a restaurant.

We usually eat out once a week at a Dine In Family Restaurant. I expect there to be families with children of all ages and of course, a reasonable amount of noise. What I don’t expect is screaming and chaos. When you go out in public, there are other people there…the public. These people expect a certain level of behavior and decorum depending on the location and situation.

Some of what I have recently witnessed:

• Kids playing tag running around the table while the parents ate dinner.
• Kids playing in the aisle and tripping up servers with trays full of food…and then the parents yelling at the server for not being careful!
• Toddlers roaming from table to table at Applebee’s while their parents watched from their table.
• Kids standing on the benches of booths and hitting the diners behind them in the head.
• Parents yelling across the table to be heard over their uncontrolled children.
• Tables covered in toys that no one bothers to move when the server brings the food.
• Kids of all ages having meltdowns and tantrums with no one removing the child from the restaurant.

Basic Restaurant Manners:

• When at a restaurant everyone should remain seated, except when leaving for a trip to the rest room. The aisles need to be left clear so that the servers can do their jobs safely and efficiently.
• Everyone should speak using their inside voice. No one else needs to know your family issues or the latest gossip.
• Toys should leave the table when the food is served. The server needs space to put all the plates! (there shouldn’t be toys at the table anyways)
• Remove a child who is having a melt down. Be courteous to those around you.

I know tantrums and meltdown happen occasionally, but when you are in a restaurant think of the other diners. I remember one night when my oldest was a baby. We were out at a fancy restaurant celebrating my father-in-law’s birthday. Shortly after we arrived at the restaurant Aaron started crying like crazy. I took him to the bathroom and checked his diaper, everything was clean, he had already been fed but nothing would calm him. I didn’t want to disturb the other diners so I look Aaron outside. I walked him back and forth outside the restaurant, it was the only thing that would calm him down. When my husband finished eating, he came out and relieved me so I could go eat. It wasn’t the ideal situation but we were courteous to the other diners and we both got to eat a delicious meal.

No child instinctively knows how to behave at the table. This training begins as soon as the highchair is added to family meal time. Children who are trained not to throw food or utensils, to keep their hands in their lap when they aren’t eating, how to ask for food to be passed to them, how to sit for the duration of the meal and how to ask to be excused when the meal is finished are well on their way to being allowed to dine outside of the home. The majority of the training must happen at home. Yes, I know this takes time and patience but that is what parenting is all about. Once a child has learned how to behave in a restaurant, they still need to be reminded. When we parked our car at a restaurant I always reminded the boys, “Don’t forget your restaurant manners.” before we headed inside. If someone got too noisy or rowdy I usually just had to ask, “Did you forget your restaurant manners?” and that child would apologize and ask for forgiveness and the meal would continue. Also, when they are doing well during the meal, praise them. let them know, “I appreciate that you are using your inside voice.” “Great job using your restaurant manners.” or whatever positive behavior that they are exhibiting. Lastly on the way home, or when you get home, review the positives and negatives of the meal. Tell them what they did well and what needs to be improved. Just like us, they want to know what is expected of them, if they met those expectations and what they can do to improve

The Takeaways

1. Train your child at home.
2. When arriving at the restaurant, remind the children of what kind of behavior is expected, and what to expect at this particular restaurant.
3. During the meal-praise them for good behavior and actively correct wrong behavior.
4. Debrief on the way home. Praise them for their successes and remind them of what needed to be corrected.
5. Children need training, correction, and praise, with consistency, children will learn to behave in any situation and become respectful little people.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this parenting issue. I know there are lots of parenting philosophies out there but in the end our job is to raise respectful and responsible citizens.