This is part two in my series on bullying. I want to state up front that I am not a professional in the field of bullying. I am a former teacher who has done a lot of research in this area. Every case of bullying is different just as every family is different but, there are some things every parent should do to teach their child about bullies and that is what I am covering here.
Bullying has become such an epidemic that over 30 states have already passed anti-bullying laws and most states require some type of anti-bullying education in the public schools. I am a firm believer that it is the parent’s responsibility to educate their child-especially on social and moral topics. Schools are not equipped nor were they created to ‘parent’ the students. Just as a parent teaches their young children about stranger danger and stop-drop-and-roll, we need to teach them about bullies. As with each of these topics the discussion needs to be age appropriate and shouldn’t use scare tactics. Here are some tips to being proactive about bullying.
- Talk with and listen to your children every day. This sounds simple but with our busy lives it isn’t always as easy as it seems. Carving out a few minutes every day to focus on each child and what is going on in their life has multiple benefits. Learning about their social relationships in school, on the playground, walking to and from school, in after school programs etc. helps your child know you are interested in their lives and you care what happens to them. These daily talks keep open the lines of communication so that you can on occasion steer the conversation to the topic of bullies and what to do if they see someone being bullied, if they are being bullied or if they are a bully. More than half of the children who are victims of bullying don’t tell their parent’s because they don’t feel comfortable talking to them! That is a tragic statistic.
- Teach your child to be polite and respectful of other people and their belongings. Good manners are important everywhere. Many researchers believe that when students are taught to be respectful of others, even if they are different, the incidents of bullying decrease.
- Set a positive example for your children. Your manner of speaking and tone of voice greatly influence your child. When you are at a restaurant and the waiter brings you the wrong food do you calmly explain the problem to the waiter or do you belittle him? When you are out shopping and you see someone who looks or dresses different from you do you make some rude comment or just go on with what you are doing? Unfortunately, often times bullying behaviors and attitudes are learned from parents or caregivers.
- Volunteer at Your Child’s School. If you can volunteer even an hour a week at your child’s school you will be able to gain insight into the atmosphere of the school. Parents who only go to their child’s school for parent’s night don’t get the true feel of the school’s atmosphere. If you are able to volunteer during recess time that is even better. Statistics show that 2/3 of bullying at school happens during unstructured times such as lunch and recess when there are fewer adults overseeing a larger number of children.
- Visit your child at school during lunch time and recess time. If you can’t volunteer then at least visit regularly. Most schools in our area allow parents to come and eat lunch with their children once a week. See if your employer will let you take your lunch break so it coincides with your child’s. You need to witness first hand the social interactions of your children.
- Explain to your child the difference between tattling and reporting. This can be difficult, especially in young children. Tattling is often gossipy and the truth is sometimes embellished so that someone else gets in trouble. Reporting is stating the facts to an adult about someone who has been victimized.
Bullying is not a normal part of growing up. Do not accept as normal behavior. Be proactive and help your child be safe and protected.
To link to the previous post in this series What is Bullying?
This is a great topic!!!
I thought you’d like to participate in a special meme called Motherhood Lessons. I thought you could give others your perspective on some lessons you’ve learned in mothering or from your childhood.
All you have to do is post a blog on the subject of Motherhood lessons right in your own blog, tag others and link to Mom’s Talk Network (the meme originator). Here’s the link for the whole scoop and the first blog on the subject. http://www.momstalknetwork.com/resources/motherhood-lessons-1/
I look forward to reading yours!
God bless you!
Mary Lutz
Very good advice. Bullying starts as early as kindergarten and its good to get on top of it right away.
Lisa recently posted..Welcome Back Wisconsin 14
Great tips! Just in my school observations I’ve witnessed that more problems do occur at lunch/recess. It’s always good to let children know that you are there for them and just to listen.
Lindsay recently posted..Epson Artisan Printer Review
You would be amazed a the number of parents who are the actual bullies
Kelli recently posted..GIVEAWAY- Slippery Willie’s Stupid- Ugly Shoes
Bullying- a topic hot on my list these days.
I agree, parents need to teach their children that bullying is wrong, and the school is not there to parent the child. However, while I teach my child that bullying is wrong, often times the student doing the bullying does not have a parent doing the same which is why the school does need to be proactive in guiding these children as well.
My oldest son has been bullied and the school really was not able to do much other than change the other students schedule around which only back fired on my son and he was then called a snitch. Our school has a program called Black-out Bullying. They want students to bring bullying to the attention of the teachers, yet there is no protection for them. Soon the bully’s friends were bullying my son as well and it always happens when the teachers backs are turned or they are nowhere in site.
After about six weeks of constant crap and no results from the administration and teachers, I addressed the bully and his mother face to face myself. I told the mother she and I could get to the bottom of this or I could file a police report and they could help us get to the bottom of this. I firmly expressed my expectations to the bully (in front of his mother). I told him he did not have to be friends w/ my son but the bullying stops here and now or my next course of action would be the police department.
We have had ZERO problems since. Zero- from the bully and his friends.
Crystal & Co. recently posted..Weekly Meal Plan 71
I’ve had my kindergartener come home in tears over other kids this year. Yes he is a very sensitive soul but there is no excuse for bullying. Great post!
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My heart breaks for those bullied. It’s hard enough not to be part of the popular crowd. But to be picked on also, is inexcusable.
Andrea – The Greenbacks Gal recently posted..Modern Day Swap Meet
i stumbled upon a book last year called Please Stop Laughing at me by Jodee Blanco. It’s about bullying. This stuff is real and should not be ignored. Parents and schools need to do more about it. Bullying, esp with girls, is often overlooked, because the subtler stuff is just thought to be “normal” life stuff. It’s NOT.
BULLYING just needs to stop.
pammypam recently posted..The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian
This is a great post! Bullying is very serious and I love how you encourage to get involved and be part of the school experience to really know what your children are seeing every day. What an eye opener. I’ve bookmarked this post!
Excellent advice! Being active in school is always helpful, but keeping the lines of communication open with your children is the most important tip.