In my recent post A Parent’s Job, I wrote about how our main job as parents is to raise productive citizens. Much of this training includes chores and personal responsibilities. Some people don’t separate these two things but I do because I feel they are vastly different. So that we are on the same page here are my definitions:
Chores-jobs or activities assigned to an individual that, when accomplished, benefit the family as a whole ie. sweep the floor, load the dishwasher… If your dishwasher is malfunctioning, make sure to contact a reliable dishwasher repair service near you! And those who are dealing with a plumbing emergency may hire a helpful contractor. You can also look up plumbing repair in Seattle, WA and nearby areas.
Personal Responsibilities-jobs or activities that, when accomplished, benefit the individual who did them ie. practice piano, clean your bedroom, brush your teeth
When children are young we do our best to work hygiene and other personal responsibilities into our children’s lives. We often make charts or schedules of things that must be accomplished daily. These tasks, which benefit the child doing them, are teaching personal responsibility and independence. These are things that kids should be self-motivated to do. These are also things that by age 7-8, they should be automatic and no longer require a chart or a reminder from a parent.
I recommend focusing on Personal Responsibilities before ever introducing chores into your family dynamic. In future posts we will be talking a lot about chores including topics like Why Kids Should Do Chores and Should Kids Get Paid for Chores but for today let’s focus on the personal responsibilities.
An Incomplete List of Personal Responsibilities for Kids
- brush their teeth
- comb their hair
- make their bed
- clean their room
- practice their musical instrument/sport
- care for their pet (if it is theirs and not a family pet)
- do their homework
- take a bath/shower
- empty their backpack when they get home and put things where they belong
- put their cup/dish in the sink or dishwasher when they are done
Are you seeing how these items are things that benefit the child more than the family? I also recommend that while a chart that reminds a child of what needs to be done can be useful, especially for younger children who are just starting to take responsibility for themselves, I don’t advocate using a reward system here. Verbal praise should be all that is necessary when a child shows responsibility. Rewarding kids for every little thing they do sets them up for disappointment. They aren’t going to get a sticker, piece of candy or more screen time every time they turn in a school assignment on time or throw their milk carton in the garbage can-don’t let them expect this. Let the reward be knowing they did a job well done.
In all honesty, the fact that I feel the need to write this post drives me crazy but, I know too many parents who are not teaching their children to be responsible for themselves. I know 8-9 year olds who would never think of brushing their teeth if someone didn’t tell them to do it! I know middle schoolers who don’t think about doing their homework until someone tells them to and then there is often a fight over it! This is ridiculous! As a student your #1 job is your education. Doing homework and doing it well is your job and takes priority over extracurricular activities and free time. Parents who don’t instill this work ethic in their kids at a young age are doing their children and their community a huge disservice.
Daily I see moms on Facebook complaining about disagreements with their kids about basic things they should be doing and I have 2 things to say about that 1. stop airing your family problems in a public forum and 2. raise your kids-don’t let them raise themselves. I’ll step off my soapbox for now but as parents our responsibility is to raise our children, to train them and it starts by teaching them personal responsibility. Teaching your child to take care of themselves and their surroundings is one building block to raising great kids.
Do you agree, disagree or fall somewhere in between? I’d love to have a great dialog as long as it remains civil. I retain the right to delete any rude or hurtful comments.
Great points in this post! Kids are really capable of way more than we often think! They WANT to help out and be responsible too, so this is the time to be teaching them!
Heather Lynne recently posted..The Ultimate List of 100+ Fun St. Patrick’s Day Ideas!
I completely agree on the importance of teaching this to our children! And I love the distinction you’ve drawn here between chores and personal responsibilities. It makes perfect sense! My son is still quite young and is only at the personal responsibility phase, but we’re working hard to begin instilling the importance of it now.
Katie recently posted..Not Sure Which Book to Read Next? Check Out The Cortlandt Boys!
You’d think it would be common sense, wouldn’t you? It’s part of raising them to be responsible people!
Liz Mays recently posted..On the Set with Nicholas Sparks | The Longest Ride Movie #LongestRide
WE’ve always just called them all chores, but I like the differentiation. I’m going to reconsider the naming and see if I can implement it.
Scott recently posted..Movie Update: McFarland and Cinderella
Thanks, Scott. I’m glad you found this helpful.
Your list makes perfectly sense, and looks like we are on a roll with it at my house. Mine little one is 5 yrs and he seems to take personal responsibility real well. Thanks for the tips too.
Kim Croisant recently posted..Perot Museum of Nature and Science – The International Exhibition of Sherlock Holmes
Keep up the good work, Kim!
I’ve never thought about thinks this way before but it makes complete sense to me.
J. Merrill recently posted..West African Peanut Stew Recipe
I teach my girls plus all kids that I come in contact with me how to be independent. I don’t understand parents that don’t instill in their kids independence and how to manage simple tasks and parents that JUMP when their child (teen) needs a drink or meal made. All kids are different and learn differently but it is our job to instill in them the wonderfulness of doing every day tasks on their own.
aimee fauci recently posted..Honey Bunches of Oats Bake at Home Granola Snackers
I totally agree with you! I have BIG expectations of my kids- and let them know it. A huge part of it is taking care of themselves.
Wendy recently posted..Getting Rid Of Stuff
I completely agree that people air too much on FB. Let some things be private, people!
I’ll be honest and say that we struggle to walk the line between chores and responsibility! This really game me a lot to think about.
Jeannette recently posted..How to Help Your Tween Boy Change their Signature Scent
I agree with the list of personal responsibilities. I believe our kids should do all that plus help out more around the house based on age.
lisa recently posted..Painting with Pringles®
My mom has always had the same parenting philosophy–she simply wanted her kids to be good citizens. I like how that term is simple, but it encompasses so much. I like what you’ve said, too.
It’s a great divide between the two. Sometimes I feel like I’m rewarding my kids for doing the most basic of activities. I need to focus on what chores my kids have & what is appropriate for their age.
Crystal recently posted..DIY Clothespin Picture Frame
I think it’s important to make sure your children are responsible and have expectations of them. I don’t however think it’s fair with the amount of judgement that is constantly put out there. The thing to remember is that 8-9 is still a child. Offering reminders to do these daily responsibilities is our part in making them those responsible adults.
Jennifer recently posted..The BEST Easy No Cook Play Dough! {Fun Crafts with Mom}
I agree there is a distinction between chores and personal responsibility. Hygiene is definitely a responsibility not a chore. A chore would be more like cleaning up.
Joy Williams recently posted..Strawberry Moonshine Punch
My kids are still pretty young, so personal responsibilities are still ‘chores’ for them. But I am trying to teach them to WANT to do all the things on their chore list.
Sara P. ( recently posted..How to Make Cookie Cups with Nestle Toll House #CookieDoughSheets #ad
I too get irritated at those Facebook posts. Not to start a war – but… why do your children even have the OPTION for those things? Be a parent. Some things are non-negotiable. It drives me crazy that I was called a “strict parent” because I had high standards for my girls that I was unwilling to budge on. Now, I have an 8 year old and a 15 year old who are both amazing, responsible, and well mannered. I do not have to tell them to bathe, brush their teeth, do their homework – none of that. Its habits I instilled in them when they were young, they were not up for discussion, and now they are done without it ever having to be a discussion. We have a schedule, we stick to it… everything runs smoothly.
Lynsey recently posted..Whole30 – Plateaus, Old Habits, And Getting Back On the Wagon
I agree, kids must know responsiblities and it’s our job to make sure they learn them. My lil guys are a bit young for chores, however they do small ones like emptying the recycle bins.
Jennifer H recently posted..Design Your Own Phone Case with The Case Studio + Giveaway
I do think there’s an awful lot of coddling going on these days. I can’t imagine my kids not naturally doing those things on their own. Aren’t we trying to raise them so they can live independently?
Liz Mays recently posted..Surviving a Dropped Device
My son and I have this conversation all the time, great break down!
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I don;t agree with paying my child to complete chores. It’s his/her responsibility to help complete the same as a member of the family. That being said, they do get an allowance but not for chores. This is to teach them to be financially smart but dividing what they get into savings, what they want to spend and their tithes.
Sure wish I had given my children more responsibilities when they were young. The are very responsible now. Thank God
It’s an interesting distinction between the two and I completely agree with your view on how to differentiate. I recently heard a grown man talking about his “chores.” I couldn’t help but feel like he was viewing his responsibilities as unpleasant tasks that he was only doing because he had to, rather than taking pride in what he has created in his life and finding simple joy in accomplishing the task that he needed to complete in order for his life to continue running smoothly. My wife is 7 1/2 months pregnant with our first child, a boy, and I was contemplating whether to teach him that he has responsibilities that he should take pride in or chores that his parents make him do. Thanks to this article I have found clarity around the subject. He shall have both, not everything is a joyous task, and through his chores I hope he will develop character that leads to him finding joy in accomplishing tasks that benefit the family, the community or humanity as a whole in his journey through life. Much Aloha, Mahalo